Self-Awareness #1: Selfishness

So i'm about to graduate from VCU this spring (yesssss), and about 2 semesters ago, a classmate I had told me I might enjoy taking a Social Work class based on my career goals. So I did, and now I wish somebody had told me that earlier so I could of gotten a Social Work degree instead of the Psychology degree I will be graduating with, oh well. The VCU Social Work program has several emphases, and this idea called "self-awareness" is one of them. Self-awareness basically says that until you really know yourself (positives, negatives, biases, heritage, etc.) you won't be able to counsel or help others to the best of your ability. And that idea really makes sense to me, if you become a pastor or Social Worker and aren't willing to acknowledge and deal with your prejudice against "dead beat dads" because yours was, then when one walks into your office asking for help how are you going to be able to fully extend grace and help to them?

So I've taken two social work classes (sooo wish I could take more) and self-awareness has been pounded into my head. The more and more I thought about it, the more I got kinda uncomfortable. The saying "ignorance is bliss" really applies here. I don't really want to look myself in the eye and pull out all the darkness inside my heart to confront it. That's really messy, and difficult. But I understand also how humbling and freeing it will be...so i'm gonna try to take at least the rest of this year (if I actually follow through with it, haha) to become "self-aware". Scripture I believe also calls us to become self-aware. The Psalmists often pray for God to make them self-aware: "Search my heart Oh Lord, and show me the sins that plague me". Paul encourages (or maybe commands) in 1st Corinthians to "evaluate ourselves" before we take communion, and to confess whatever sins we need to before we accept the bread and wine. The Apostle John in 1st John encourages us to "confess our sins to each other" and James the brother of Jesus says a similar sentiment throughout his epistle. Sooooo, without further ado I guess here I go.

I struggle with selfishness. It really sucks, but I do. And what's even worse is that I thought for a long time that I was a selfless kinda person, and then the blessed union of marriage showed me otherwise, haha. With friends, I was able to let my wishes be overlooked a lot of the time because it was all about things that I didn't really care about. "Yo, what movie are we gonna watch? No, whatever you wanna watch is great with me!" Or "Oh, you wanna play video games instead of skate today?" Stupid little situations like that, I always could put the wants of the other person before my own. On top of being insignificant topics to me, it also was only a couple times a day I had to do so. Then, when Maria and I got married I saw in other little situation, I was being a total jerk about stuff like that. Maria and I have different tastes in bread, she likes the healthy wheat stuff I like the chemically saturated white bread. At first, I refused to eat anything that wasn't white. Maria rightfully won that argument in the end, wheat doesn't taste as bad as I thought and it's sooo much healthier, she's totally saving me from a pre-mature clogged artery. But in little things like that and more, I refused to put Maria's cares and wishes first. Obviously, I've had to with a mix of will power, schema changing, and the power of the Holy Spirit learn to be more selfless with her.

It goes further back and bigger on this topic also. I'm always that guy at parties who takes the rudely big plate of everything before everyone has gotten some, and the list could go on. I especially remember being soooo selfish with things when I was living with my parents. I always thought the things I was doing or wanted to do were the most important in the house, so I would wail, complain, and justify until my parents couldn't take it anymore and would let me do whatever I "needed" or was asking. I now see how all that is just so wrong.

It's even worse because Scripture calls us to express "agape" love to everyone we come into contact with. Agape is the defined as " a self-sacrificing act of the will, to put the thoughts and needs of another above your own". Philippians 2 calls us to "have an attitude like that of Christ's"...which was one of humility and selflessness, it's that attitude that brought him down from heaven to become a lowly (to Him) human and redeem us by the cross. Dang, how the mess can I do that? I can barely hold off from eating all the pizza at Eighteen22. Becoming anything more like Christ is called sanctification, and sanctification I believe starts with us and is finished by the Holy Spirit. I can try my hardest to be selfless, but eventually my carnal desires will win, unless the Holy Spirit is giving me fruit of the spirit to combat them. That's what I pray for, and acknowledging and confessing these aspects of myself I hope as they say is "half the battle".

-Jamal

"The Image of the Invisible God"

I've been really fortunate as of late, because God has been giving me more and more opportunities to spend time with people outside my "Christian bubble" of relationships, which has been a really good thing for me. If you don't have friends who believe differently than you do, I highly advise you to get some, it'll hopefully encourage you to better understand what you really believe yourself. That's definitely what it's been doing for me.

So, in the conversations I've been able to have with people who aren't involved in the Church, I kept hearing similar reasons why they weren't. One conversation I had with a regular at my job really struck me. He was saying that he grew up his whole life as a Christian, and still would consider himself one even though he doesn't go to church often. He said the thing that really inadvertently turned him away was the relationship he had with his girlfriend. She was "more religious" than he was, and he got the impression that she looked down on him for that. As time went on, he said that Christianity ended up being the thing that broke them up. Because of the judgmental and down-putting nature of their relationship, he got a bad taste in him mouth about Church. He still believes Jesus is his Savior, just he's not really trying to get burnt again by church people.

That story breaks my heart, mostly because at one point I was just like his judgmental girlfriend. I remember having relationships in high school where I looked down upon and really mistreated people because they weren't as "religious" as me, and I know almost for a fact that I've ruined those people's view of Christ because of it. What was wrong with me? Did I really think that looking down on someone because they aren't as spiritually mature as me is actually spiritually mature? Do we actually think that abruptly and bitterly ending relationships with non-Christians is the best way to interact?

I've been reading through Colossians recently (thinking about preaching through it actually), and Paul says in chapter 1 verse 15 that "Christ is the visible image of the invisible God". I know i'm taking that verse out of the context of Paul's intended message, but I can't help but relate that verse to Christians as a whole. We are now "the image of the invisible God". For a lot of our non-Christian friends, we might be the closest thing to Jesus they'll ever see. So later in Colossians (chapter 4, verse 5) Paul says "live wisely among those who are not believers...let your conversations be gracious and attractive...". Are we being gracious and attractive when we interact with our non-believing friends, co-workers, and family members? You should definitely strive to be, because believe it or not in everything we do we are supposed to model to them what Jesus is like.

Yes, we all mess up, we all sin and fall short of the glory of God. But I think with the power of the Holy Spirit in us, some individual awareness, and some accountability between us we can actually show people what Jesus is truly like...love. "Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciple." (John 13:35). Amen?

-Jamal

Birthday Bloggin (turning 22!)

I have this habit of always getting reflective in or around the month of March, for obvious reasons. Even though my most recent blog post behind this one shows, I'm not a consistent blogger, I do consistently journal. I have stacks and stacks of notebooks filled with journal entries, and it's always fun (and a little embarrassing) to look back at them around my birthday time. As I have been doing that this year, I saw a couple interesting facts.

It was about two years ago in the month of March that the former Ms. Maria Claire Moore popped up into the pages of my personal and prayer journals (yes, in my prayer journal, she was so special I knew I couldn't get her by sheer good looks and whit alone). It was about one year ago in the month of March where God was doing an intense round of character breakdown on me, he was softening my heart and opening up my eyes to people and places who I never cared for or thought much about before, i.e. his Great Commission and the "least of these". Also, I can remember that in March 2011 my then fiancee Maria had just moved into our future first apartment together, a place and moment of time that will always be special to me.

Now to look at the present, Ms. Maria Claire Moore has become Mrs. Maria Claire Jones, God's Great Commission is at the forefront of my mind "as I go", and God is definitely doing another character breakdown in my life (maybe those are more frequent than I thought...). Being a husband is the most fulfilling role I've ever played in my life, but it's also the hardest at times. I have a lot of sins to confess and walls to let God break down, but God is always faithful in those situations. Plus, I have the greatest wife to work with me through all that. I'm graduating college this May, and God is leading me to a new phase of preparation for His calling for me into life-long ministry. I don't know where that's going yet, i'm just praying and waiting to see what he brings.

So, the future is unknown, the present is moving one step at a time, and the past has more or less shaped it all. God is overall doing a good thing in me, and I hope i'm letting Him do a good thing also through me. I totally back journaling, blogging, and reflection of any kind. Because it's so amazing to look back over your writings and to see God's provision. Times could of have been bad for a season, but you can see how God brought you through it and redeemed you in it. You get to look back at unique moments (like falling in love!) and remember every corny sappy thing you were saying and the songs you were listening to. I love that mess, haha.

Anyway, thanks be to God for being here 22 years, and I pray that every year following is again filled with stories and memories of how good He is. Amen

-Jamal

Rob Bell's "Love Wins" review

first, let's get a couple things straight

To dispel some rumors about the book/Rob Bell

1. "Love Wins" DOES NOT claim that everyone goes to heaven in the end.

2. Rob Bell's books are FULL of Scripture

-somebody told me that they "heard" Bell doesn't Scripturally back up his claims in his books. That's 100% untrue, stop spreading lies people! Haha. This will be the second Bell book I've read. They've both had Scripture references and expounding on every single page.

3. Rob Bell is definitely a Christian, and nothing else

Now to let you know a little more about my stance in this blog

1. This review is slightly bias, I admit it. I like Rob Bell

2. I read this book like I thought he was a heretic

3. Don't take my word for it. Read the book for yourself

So, to start the review I wanna try to summarize Bell's take on Heaven from the Scriptures. The key passage Bell expounds on about heaven is Jesus' words to the Young Rich Man (Matthew 19:16-28 NIV). The man asks Jesus how to reach eternal life, but Jesus doesn't give the answer that most modern day evangelicals would of think he should give. In fact, Jesus tells him how to "enter life". Jesus and the man weren't talking about heaven as we think of it when we die, they were talking about the "age to come". So the man's question of "eternal" doesn't mean exactly the same as we often think it does. Jesus talks about this "age to come" in Luke 20, Mark 9, Luke 21, and Matthew 28 as well. The greek word for it is "aion", which refers to a period of time with a definite beginning and end. So there is the age Jesus was in, and there will be an "age to come" after it.

This age to come is spoken about by the prophet Isaiah as "The Day of the Lord" where everything will be restored, and there will finally be peace on earth. You can find the beginning of his words on it in Isaiah 2:12-18. Biblegateway.com those verses real quick...don't they sound like perfection? Paul also briefly talks about this time in 1 Thes. 5. I know things always get a little fishy in interpreting the OT, but i think it's obvious at least in that passage that Isaiah is talking about the future, a time of perfection on earth through God. So heaven at that point won't be "up there", it's gonna be down here (according to Scripture). Heaven is gonna be God cutting away the divisions and merging with earth and bringing it into his perfection. It checks out pretty well.

Now, the attempt to summarize Bell's thoughts from the Scriptures on hell. In his book, he references and deals with every mentioning of the word "hell" in the Bible, and even some of the words/passages people think are referring to "hell" (kudos to him, that's good persuasive writing right there). Scripture clearly states that hell is suffering, because you are choosing to be separated from God's incredible love, but how long you will be separated seems to be the question.

An important thing about hell Bell notes,The greek word we call "hell" is really the English word "Gehenna". Gehenna is a real place, that basically was the Israelite trash dump. They stuck their trash there and burnt it, dogs fought over scraps and their teeth made horrible gnashing sounds while fighting (sounds familiar?). I can see where we got our image of Hell from, but it's not necessarily underground and reigned by Satan. Jesus related to torment of separation from God to a horrible place nearby of people he was talking to.So it feels to me that the image most of us get of hell isn't from the Bible, it's from Dante's Inferno (gosh I hated that book, i read the whole thing in high school).

One of verses that kinda makes that idea real is Ezekiel 16:53-58, God through Ezekiel says "I will restore the fortunes of Sodom and her daughters...return them to what they were before...". Wait, what?!?!? God is gonna restore Sodom and Gomorrah? We all remember how bad they were, but God in the future is gonna give them a second chance? So....maybe even God's judgement of separation isn't forever...

Still on hell here, but look up these verses please

-Zephaniah 2:6

-Micah 7:19

Bell lists a whole page full of verse just like these. Those probably a several dozen more continue to talk about God's redemptive desires and extreme love for all his people. That's God's desire, to bring EVERYONE back to him. Don't get me wrong, Bell asserts that the ONLY way to get back to God is through Jesus (pg. 155 of Love Wins), but do you think even after "The Day of the Lord" and all is renewed, God is gonna lock the door on his love to those who honestly come in repentance for it? The Day of the Lord idea leaves out where people go who aren't with God, i can't remember if Bell addresses that, i'll re-read to look, but they are somewhere having a miserable time probably. But if they run to the limits of God's area and scream and cry in repentance, do you really think God is gonna say "sorry, if you had come maybe like....5 minutes earlier I could do something for you, but you're late. So you can no longer have my love". That doesn't sound like the God of those verses above and the rest of the NT, does it? I've kinda been convinced it doesn't.

So now you're probably kinda pissed or confused at this point. When I was talking to Maria about this she then brought up the question, "Well then what's the point of living for God now if you can get another shot at it after you die?" When she asked it we both stopped and came to the next point Bell makes. If being a "Christian" for you is mostly about a "ticket to heaven", then odds are you probably aren't going...rough isn't it? Well, I struggle with that to. In fact, the majority of the time when Jesus was talking about "hell" he was talking about it to the very people everyone for sure thought weren't going there! If i remember correctly, Matthew 25 (Sheep and Goats parable) fits that description. Being a Christian is about taking the invitation God gives us through Christ to be apart of his restoring of all things. Yes, heaven is a benefit of it, but it's not the main point. God wants us to be a part of his stuff, and to take joy in it. Yes, there is suffering involved (Paul tells us about it the best in 2 Timothy), but in the end there is JOY! There should be some deep rooted joy! That convicted me hard, because often i'm bogged down by how "hard" my life is. All of this "Jesus work" I gotta do. I gotta feed the poor, i gotta mentor youth, i gotta preach. Poor poor me. If you're like me in that, we're missing out. We need to revamp our feelings for God. He's not a slave-driver, he's a love and joy giver.

The best example of this idea is found in the Prodigal Son parable. We all know the story. The younger son comes back thinking the dad is gonna punish him, but he gets love instead. The older son is pissed about the party for his jerk of a brother, but he's always had love, dad tells him to celebrate. Both boys thought their fathers love was dependent on something or another, how good or bad they were. But it doesn't, their dad's love just.....IS! Isn't that great?!?!?!?! God's love for us just is. It's UNFAIR, it's UNDESERVED. IT. IS. GRACE! So yes, the fact that anybody can possibly just come to God at anytime in this age or next and get love is extremely unfair, but I really feel like i'm ok with that. And that's basically the book. In the end, LOVE WINS.

There are of course downsides to this book, but they aren't really even worth talking about I feel. The general message overshadows them.

The key phrase for his thoughts in the book are on pg. 115. Bell says:

" Will everybody be saved, or will some perish apart from God forever because of their choices? These are tensions we are free to leave still as tensions. We don't need to resolve them or answer because we can't, and so we simply respect them, creating space for the freedom that love requires"

Thanks for reading this, it's waaaaay too long i know. But i left out a lot of stuff that would be really helpful in explaining his view. Bell totally expounds the "Lazarus and Rich Man" story, his full explanation of the Prodigal Son story is brilliant, and so so much more. But for time and practicality I stop here. I might blog about those other pieces later. Please feel free to leave comments below and we can discuss more there.

My advise is to please read the book, I think it'll be something special for ya. Amen? Amen.

The Virtuous Life

this quote from an early church leader I feel like sums up reason and aim for why Christians do their best to live "good" and "clean" lives.

This is true perfection: not to avoid a wicked life because like slaves we servilely fear punishment, nor to do good because we hope for rewards, as if cashing in on the virtuous life by some business- like arrangement. On the contrary, disregarding all those things for which we hope and which have been reserved by promise, we regard falling from God’s friendship as the only thing dreadful and consider becoming God’s friend the only thing worthy of honor and desire. This, as I have said, is the perfection of life.

- Gregory of Nyssa

Proverbs 22: Don't make a check your tush can't cash!

v. 26-27 "Don't agree to guarantee another person's debt or put up security for someone else. If you can't pay it, even your bed will be snatched from under you"

"Don't make a check your tush can't cash Short Man!" The first time i heard this saying was in my all-time favorite cartoon series Hey Arnold (one day i WILL own the entire series on DVD...). His Grandpa, who i would say had loads and loads of wisdom, was advising him to not make promises or agreements that he couldn't fulfill. And reading this chapter it finally hit me that this idea is a re-curring sentiment in the Proverbs. Every couple of chapters Solomon throws in a quick word about keeping your vows, if you're paying off a friends debt to make sure you do it or there will be consequences. Keeping promises is a huge character trait that i'm sure many of us strive for, but the less strived for virtue in my life is only committing to what i can.

A lot of times i make grand promises, or plan to meet with somebody, knowing i honestly don't have the time or even the ability. That results in let down youth or me running late to a group project meeting. Honestly, that looks bad on us, but it also looks on God. We're always, ALWAYS representing God, in EH-VE-RYthing we do. So if we're late, or don't come through when we say we will, than that makes God look bad, doesn't it?

So in solution, before i ever make a promise or agreement, i will realistically ponder if i really can carry it all the way through. If i decided that i can't, then i straight up won't let the words come out of my mouth. But if i decide that i can and do say i will. imma do everything in my power to carry it out. That's gonna take some prayer and discipline, but i hope the Lord will help me. And if i fail (which i probably will every now and again no matter how hard i try), i'll beg for forgiveness like i should, haha. Amen? Amen.

I like Heather's prayer request idea, here are mine:

-my Psych 317 research paper (the hardest assignment of my college career)

-more of the Holy Spirit in my life

Proverbs 11 and my Wisdom struggles

First, as I was reading todays chapter, I thought to myself, "after near 11 days of reading Proverbs how much have I learned about Wisdom?". I have learned a lot, but do I really "know" it yet, no. And will we ever truly get Wisdom, idk, it's one of those really lofty topics to me right now. A definition one of my Bibles gave me for wisdom was "the ability to make good use of knowledge", that's basically what the Proverbs are trying to make us do, right? That knowledge we have is of God, and it's all been about how to use that knowledge well. Right? Haha. Chapters 10 and 11 are these couplet like statements about pretty practical responses to Wisdom, what Wise people do. One of my favorites being verse 19: " Godly people find life; evil people find death". Wow, that's difference between good use and bad use of the knowledge of God: life and death. That's crazy, but totally right.

My biggest struggle these days seems to be the use of my time, i'm so dang busy. Using my time well and putting it where it needs to go (this false under the umbrella of wisdom, right? haha). It kinda surprises me that there isn't more spoken about time in relation to Wisdom, maybe there has been and i've missed it? The best example i can find is in Chapter 10:4 "lazy people are soon poor, hard workers get rich", being lazy and hard working is kinda a time management issue. I just continue to pray to God (when i am disciplined enough to give him the hang out time he deserves in my life) that he will give me the Wisdom to say yes to doing the important things in my life and no to the unimportant things battling for my precious time. Also to help me discern which things are which.

I'm soooo rushed for time today. This week has been rough on me. A little bit of that bad time management janke has thrown eh-ve-ry thing off. So i'm racing to get back on track. It definitely doesn't help that i'll be going on a retreat this weekend....oooohhhh Lord. Please God, help a brotha out, haha. I know He will.